This post has been staring at me since Sunday, but I couldn’t write anything. It’s still so very sad and unbelievable.

It was Christmas Day 2000, after the present thing, and Eric tells me he had gotten paged regarding a problem at work (they had pagers back then….) and would have to go in and check things out. But he promised to be back in time for his dad’s arrival for Christmas dinner later that day.

He didn’t quite make it, but shortly after the company arrived, I heard a dog – and it wasn’t a voice I knew. I turned, and there in the door to the kitchen, sat this tiny German Shepherd. And then I saw Eric who said “Merry Christmas”. I should probably mention, that whatever wish list I had for that Christmas, I know for a fact, it did NOT list any dog anywhere. But what does a polite person do, when a gift is presented? One accepts it and thanks the giver. Good Manners 101. And then, one takes it back to the store and gets what one really wants…. Of course I was going to keep her, hadn’t asked for it, we already had a dog, our Keeshond, but what’s another? We named her Leia (from Star Wars) and she slept in our bed. Problem was, it was winter in Indiana, and a cold one. She came from some backyard ‘breeder’ and was used to being out in these freezing temps, and our bedroom was a bit warmer. So we had to put a plastic place mat in between our pillows, open the window right above our beds, and let in the 20° freezing air – laying on the plastic kept her cooler than laying on the warm sheets, and she was able to sleep without panting too much. So what if Eric and I froze our ears and asses off? Leia was comfortable.

In 2001, we took her to puppy school, and she graduated and won the first price. I discovered she was a water dog that Summer the first time I filled my plastic pool up with water. She bounced in it with all fours, jumped around in circles, ran around the house as fast as she could, and hop back into the pool to jump, splash, and bite the water once more. Repeat. Now that was enjoying life – and hilarious to watch.

There were many great moments over the years. She definitely was way more than a dog. She understood -and got her point across, as well. One walk I took her on, she took a swim in a river bed we passed by. I wanted to take her picture, but had issues with batteries. By the time I finally had a set in my cam that worked, she was finished swimming and was standing next to me. I looked at her and said in a normal tone as I would speak to a person: “Ok, this camera finally works. Would you go back into the water and smile, I want to take your picture.” And she walked back in a few steps, stopped and turned towards the camera. Just like that. Tell me she didn’t understand exactly what I was saying!!

And then, last Friday, we noticed that her belly seemed larger than normal and if felt hard, too. And she just looked like she was not feeling well at all. She had off days in the past, but I always thought her hips were bothering her. I was going to take her to the vet right after we got back from Germany, to see if we needed to start her on some kind of arthritis meds or something. Anyway, with this belly thing, I was going to see if I could get her in on Saturday. However, on Saturday, she acted perfectly fine. Basically greeted me when I got up with her ring, wanting me to toss it for her. She made me get her chicken strip treats, and was just her usual self. The belly was still enlarged, and I called her vet anyway, but they were booked. I tried another one, same thing. But since she was acting fine, I figured she just had some regular digestive issues – it’ll happen. By Sunday, her belly had not changed – if anything, it had gotten a little larger. So I took her to the PetSmart vet who actually is open Sundays. They were booked but take walk-ins.

Leia, of course, got all excited when she realized she got to go out. She wasn’t quite so thrilled as I tried to walk her through the store to get to the vet in the back. She tried to head back towards the door, but when she realized it wouldn’t work, she just laid down on her side and her look said “make me”. I thought I’d have to just slide her down the aisle, but was able to talk her into getting up and promised her I wouldn’t leave her there. That’s what she was always afraid of – that we’d leave her somewhere. Anyway – turned out, her belly was full of blood. She was highly anemic already. The x-ray, by the little that could be seen because of all the blood indicated that her spleen had a huge tumor on it which likely had caused the bleeding. The vet felt that based on what she saw, her breed, size, and age, that tumor would most likely be cancerous. Nothing good would come out of that. Either way, that spleen would have to come out – big surgery for her – hospital stay, blood infusions – and us leaving her for days. And that would be the very best-case scenario. Eric came and brought her chicken snacks the loved and her ring – the toy that she played with all her life. Phillip came. We tossed her ring a few more times — and then she left us. I think I kept my promise to her.

We were not planning on getting another dog for a few years at least. We wanted to be able to travel and not worry about animals. But it wasn’t even 24 hours later, we realized that that just isn’t an option for us. It won’t be Leia – it can never be another Leia. But at least it won’t be quite so lonely and dogless around here. After we get back from Germany, we’ll start planning on Luke (Skywalker). We always wanted to get a Luke to our Leia, but we didn’t think she would have been happy with any perceived competition. So, Leia, Luke won’t be your replacement – nobody will ever be able to replace you. He’ll just be our pathetic attempt to make the void you left behind a little smaller. Just don’t tell Luke that.